WEARING THE UNIFORM VS  GAY SOCIETY

When any normal human being sees me putting on a uniform they see me as a man, as a person serving this great nation.  They usually come up to me proud with a big smile or even sometimes nervously say "Thank you for your service."  My reply is "Thank you for your support."  

Unfortunately this is not always the outcome that happens when other gay men see me in uniform.  Most people see us as a sexual fantasy, or just another checkmark on their bucket list.  Depending on your perspective; this can be both positive and negative.  Positive for some more promiscuous individuals and negative for others who are really wanting to find the one and make it last a lifetime.

  

When I first joined back in 2011 DADT wasn't repealed yet.  It was hard for the first few months trying to conceal my identity and push through basic training and beyond into tech school.  Although President Obama was starting the repeal process; it was very evident that some individuals higher ranking and lower did not welcome the change with open arms.  Now just to be clear, I know there are thousands of others that have served before me during DADT and I highly look up to them for so many accomplishments they have achieved and help paved the way for us now to serve openly.  During college I did a research paper and found that during DADT nearly 14,000 people had been kicked out of the services.  Although this may seem a very small number, I have learned since being in, it has a huge impact on the mission at hand.  

During the early years of my career 2011-2012 while stationed at McGuire AFB, NJ I never really told people I was in the military.  I usually got mixed signals when I did tell them like "you're really skinny to be in the military... aren't you supposed to be buff?" or "are they ok with you being gay" or my favorite line "do you fly planes?".  Usually my replying choice of words would be "I'm a nurse assistant/emt"  and then they would ask what hospital and i would say Capital Health in Trenton so that way I would cover myself.  I wanted people to see me for me and not just a "hot guy in uniform."  Sometimes it was just degrading.  Talking to different people at the clubs and they would be somewhat interested in you but the moment you told them you were in the Air Force they all of a sudden want to know your Facebook, and what base and if they can come on base but really I was just another check box on their bucket list of things to screw.  

As time began to pass I soon began to realize that they were either interested or not interested and I accepted it eventually.  However I also realized that being in New Jersey had its perks for being gay and in the military.  Partying in Philadelphia, the Jersey Shore and even New York City... I never had to pay cover charges.  I would flash my ID and they said "OMG come in" and all of a sudden the bounce calls the bartender and I would have a free drink in my hands.  Granted I was very thankful but sometimes I just felt wrong for taking a drink like that.  ( I know... y'all are probably like wtf i would take that in a heartbeat.... but for me I had never been deployed and i honestly didn't feel like I deserved it).  

Another pro is the ample number of men in the area.  Granted i was 20, 21, 22, and 23 while being stationed there.  I met a number of amazing people that I still remain close to this day.  But also people that I wish I had never met.  Growing up in South Carolina, watching all these old Hollywood movies about everyone falling in love in New York City and I hoped I would too but the culture was so much more different than portrayed in movies like "Trick" "Moonstruck" "You've Got Mail" or even (cheesy) "Maid in Manhattan."  Love is not easy in New York with the amount of available men just awaiting at your fingertips on ridiculous apps like Grindr, Jackd, Scruff.  Its like if you went on a date with someone and it didn't go well, or I didn't give them what they wanted; they would log on and find some hot 10min screw and move along.  Now don't get me wrong.. i have used those as well.  I am guilty as charged.  But again I was young; just like everyone of you reading this.

After a year of many failed dates and meeting many great people, it soon came clear that love was not in New York.  Instead, friends and amazing people were.  To be continued...