LOST... BUT ALMOST FOUND.

So over the past week I have had so much on my mind.  Between the near future and dealing with personal issues now.  It has been a whirlwind of a week.  So I apologize for not posting like usual.  Can you forgive me? :)

They say everything happens for a reason but things are really starting to hit me after being numb for the past 2 weeks.  I am leaving Oklahoma and being retrained in the next few months.  As exciting as this may seem.  It is also an off step from what my original plan was.  While in the middle of putting my commissioning package together back in mid-December I received a notification that I was being retrained as an IDMT; basically a Physician Assistant but no certification or anything.  Its an Air Force thing i guess.  Initially I was pissed and still kind of am bitter about the whole situation.  After 2 years of taking classes nonstop and working towards this moment, I was told by the Air Force no essentially.

Over the next few days I had tried to find every possible loophole to get out and continue my commissioning package.  But there was no alternative.  On the bright side, I can submit my package in 2 years and hopefully get picked up.  My dream for the past 3 years was to commission and become an officer but time and time again something always comes up or puts a delay on my personal timeline to get everything done.

Fast-forward ----> to last week.  I took my immunizations test and finally realized that this was happening. I  am leaving Oklahoma City in April and going to IDMT school for 3 months. And essentially moving to a new base in the fall.  Now your probably wondering what is wrong with that?  That sounds amazing.  Well it is.  But again, its not what I wanted to initially happen.  And now as January nears its end and February is soon to begin.  Everything is now hitting me and things are moving way faster than what I really thought would.  In February I have to start training my replacement and I also have to find a storage unit that will hold  my stuff while I am away.  There is no reason for me to pay rent while I'm not here.  It'll be nice to save money and bank off of what I can.

Personally I have finally realized that I will not be dating for a long time.  2017 will be such a  struggle to even comprehend a relationship on top of the training I will have to endure over the scorching summer not to mention the moving that will probably occur in the fall.  Its not that I am looking for a relationship but its always nice to call or text someone and tell them how my day is.  For the past year thats what I have done and its kinda lonely not hearing from someone that you kept in contact for so long and then all of a sudden be shut out.  I understand why he did it.  It was too painful to watch each other suffer knowing we couldn't be together because of the uncertain future.  While it may not have worked out... maybe in the next few months I'll hear from him and we can remain friends.  Thats what I would like atleast.  Sometimes we just need space away to move on and I understand that completely. Its "the space between."  I def needed a lot of space from my ex in the relationship prior; back in 2015.... that didn't end well but we have settled our issues and made amends...  WOW... I totally just went off topic sorta but I guess thats what I need to do.  Just kinda vent and get a few things off my chest.

Until I move and settle down at my new base.  It will seriously just be me and my friends and my family.  Nothing makes me happier than seeing the people I love and love me as equally back.  In March I will be returning to Philadelphia and seeing so many of my close friends that I haven't seen in a good while.  But I will also be getting more tattoos as well since the Air Force finally changed their tattoo policy.

So despite all the things running through my head and keeping me down.  There is light at the end of the tunnel... or as I see it... light at the end of 2017.  I will be looking forward to seeing my friends in a few weeks.  Attending my retraining and eventually moving to a different base.  Im praying to go back to the East Coast... Andrews, Dover, Langley. Any base in Florida or even Hawaii or Guam.  Basically somewhere near a beach.  

Everything happens for a reason...  I hope to find out the reason for all of this soon.