After that night of being questioned for being different I soon began to feel some sort of hatred from him. Everyday for the next 2 weeks my TI called me out for the littlest things. Whether it was that my hat was at a slight angle, my bed wasn't good enough, or he would grill me with question after question on the dots. Granted I was in basic and thats what they were supposed to do but I feared that members of my flight would catch on and begin to ask questions. And after a week they did. But of course while I was in basic training I said no. Fearing that I would get bars of soap flung at me..... "full metal jacket" reference.
Week 3 of BMT came around and we soon learned that we were getting new TIs. They did not explain what was going on but I was saying "thank you god" in my head the whole time they were talking. I honestly didn't hear a damn thing they said. I was just more focused on the fact that we were getting new TIs and that I would be able to push through basic training without being singled out anymore. Most of y'all are reading this like "what a pussy" but the fact is, is that I dealt with that motherfucker for 3 weeks. Being singled out everyday and he would make nonchalant comments to me when we were all in the shower doing our "carwash roulette" Basically we all walk through the circle of showers and soak ourselves with soap and wash/rinse. "keep moving men... eyes up" or "don't look down" "hurry up! not much for you to see" I felt so small in a world so big. So when he left, I felt like a door opened up and I must say that I succeeded and surpassed a lot of people's expectations. Thankfully I never saw that TI again, but he had is day... I read in the headlines about the Lackland scandals and his name was in there. But at the same time I've always felt a sense of guilt because what if there was something I could have done to prevent what had happened. Could I have saved the others. Would they have believed me if I had spoken up? Would I have been kicked out because then I would have outed myself? I guess we will never know. But I know that man is out of the Air Force.
Days had passed by and we are now into the 4th week and it was getting more exciting. Fighting with the bugle sticks. My adrenaline was going before I went into the circle. I felt like I had a lot to prove so I went in swinging. By the time I had knocked that guy down, everyone was like "damn." I think my new TI didn't think I could do it either. Being 5,10 and only 135lbs. I was skinny as a rail. But ever since I was in middle school, I've always felt like i had something to prove, to fight for, to show that I was equally capable of doing something as the guy standing next to me. It hard. Always being picked last in Gym class, being called faggot down the hall. Its not easy being green...
But it just goes to show that I'm a fighter and always will be. Everywhere base I move to, every job or task I am given, I feel like I have something to prove.
Weeks pass by and we go through the gas chamber, the obstacle course, beast week. Where we go out in the middle of nowhere and live in a deployed setting for a week. It was pretty awesome. I liked it a lot. Patrols, doing scenarios, and going through their obstacle course. I like a good challenge. Nothing wrong with getting down and dirty. After all I am from the south and we love to go mudding and do stupid shit like that.
Finally the moment we had all been waiting for Graduation. I remember waking up that Thursday morning and thinking I cannot wait to see my family. We walked out the the field where we all gathered up and would run in our squadron shirts. As each flight went we were near the end and despite our TI telling us we had to look forward, I looked everywhere for my family and I didn't see them but I knew they were out there. We hurried back and showered and put our blues on for the coin ceremony. I swear to got that damn thing took forever. It was black flag conditions (over 90 degrees) and were were sweating at 10am. Finally they said "parade rest" and everyones family ran out to find their sons and daughters. I waiting for a good minute or two but my brother found me and I had never felt so happy to see him. Then later my sister and mom came around and I felt so complete and free. My family.
The next day was the official graduation ceremony on the parade field and it was definitely an exciting feeling. We did the march in front of the main stage and all of our families. But something else happened that day. When my flight was called, I heard both an ambulance siren and a train horn blast at the same time. Internally, I knew it was my dad watching over me and he was with me on that field that day. Seeing me. 19 years old graduating from Air Force BMT. It was definitely hard holding my tears back. But the moment I saw my mom again. She looked at me and knew exactly what was going through my mind and she teared up as well. She knew hearing both of those at the same time was not a coincidence but fate and a sign that I was on the right track. We hung around and introduced my family to my two closest friends from BMT. We still occasionally chat here and there but I will never forget them. We were the three amigos. lol
The remainder of that weekend was being tourists in San Antonio... and chilling in the hotel watching The Godfather. Typical us. But the hardest day was Sunday when I said bye to both my family and my friends. But once the door closed for Lackland AFB.... another door opened for Fort Sam Houston....
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