I think the biggest fear we all have is the possibility of dying alone. Not having that connection our grandparents always talk about. (How they used to write love letters during the wars... How they waited for each other and always stayed true to one another.) Not having someone to talk to daily in the golden years. Not able to watch kids grow up. Its personal fear of mine. I know I'm only 25 but these things occasionally cross my mind. Its much harder for a gay man to have these things. Not because its not possible but because of the many barriers we have to overcome to get where we want to be and how to get there.
Yea its easy meeting new people and getting to know them but its not easy finding that connection that sparks something between us. Its very rare. You can get on a dating app and find someone that'll please you for about 30min and be on there way. You can make new friends and stay that way. But its rare to find someone you truly enjoy all the time and want to be more with them. Atleast for me anyways. I never really ask for much from a guy. Just to be yourself, be honest, and be outgoing. For me, I love the outdoors and to go hiking and go to the beach. A lot of gay guys don't necessarily like to hike. Unless theres a paved pathway lol. And if we go to the beach some don't even like to go in the water. But not everyone can be perfect. I guess I'm just trying to put things into perspective for you about me. What I like and want for my future and what I like in a guy.
The barriers and burdens of today's generation is technology and being truthful. Technology has improved our lives in so many ways but has also ruined us as a society. With technology we can communicate in so many ways. Facebook. Skype. FaceTime. All are amazing things that have helped keep us in contact with the ones we love when we are so far away. Especially for people who are deployed from their families. But then there are somethings that have totally gripped the gay world and ruined a lot of opportunities like Grindr, Scruff, Jackd and whatever else there is out there. Granted I will say I have met a handful of amazing people on there that I'm friends with today and still keep in contact with but with every pro there is a con. Not everyone is a "good guy"
Ive been asked out on a few dates on there and I've gone on them; some better than others. I think the worst thing someone ever asked me is "if you get deployed can we be an open relationship?" I literally got my shit and walked out. Like why date if you still wanna be a hoe?.....
But then there is the slew of faceless profiles, the torso pictures, or the catfishing that happens way too often than it should. Its kinda degrading to see our society turn to a hook-ups or where we have all these "discreet" men that are honestly whores in disguise. They claim no one knows about them then you talk you to your friends and they either say hell no or they slept with him. Like who are you really fooling here? The fact is that you can find someone good on those apps but the moment something goes wrong they go right back on and find a temporary rebound. Someone to quench their "thirst." It's like why even get on those apps anyway. But its the feeling of loneliness I guess. Thats why I get on there sometimes. And to make connections. Its always nice to know someone before going to a new base. Getting a feel for the area and what the people are like. Every bit of information counts. Yes, we get sponsors when we PCS but most of the time they don't work out that great. Its usually hit or miss with them.
Finally being truthful. I never understand why people lie. The truth always comes out. There have been so many times where my gut feeling was right and I chose to ignore it but eventually I came full circle with myself and realized that I was right all along. But the lust of it all blinded me. I was dating a guy in New Jersey for a short time and all of a sudden he started ignoring me and said he was "busy." Then all of a sudden he was tagged in Atlantic City with some guy who was ugly as fuck. But again, why lie? If you weren't interested anymore or didn't wanna date just tell me rather than lie to my face or rather a text message. If you break up with someone over a text message you are truly a coward in my opinion. Man the fuck up and tell them how you really feel and why. Don't give the reason "its not you, its me" or "I'm just really busy and have no time" We are all adults and have heard that shit time and time again and it gets old really quick.
Another fun lie, was when I was dating this guy in Philadelphia for a few weeks and he facetimed me with hickies on his neck.. So like anyone else. I asked who gave you those hickies and he said... "his cousin" LMAO. Like really?! Thats what you tell me. Your cousin. Like we in Alabama or something. So I told him not to talk to me. Then his girlfriend messages me and said "you two tustve had a great time because he has all those hickies" I replied "those aren't from me, he said it was his cousin" She lost it and thus, a lie was unraveled and turns out it was sleeping with a coworker of his I had melt before which was the biggest queen I had ever met. I love flamboyant men. They are so funny and great to hang around with but the fact that he slept with that queen really made me question if I was good enough.
Seriously I date some winners. (Sarcasm). The point is, in this day and age, and with technology. Just be truthful. Don't lie. That makes everything worse than what it needs to be. Honesty is key and if you keep lying, you're just digging yourself your own grave.
You can only dig yourself so deep before a ladder can't reach anymore....
So my advice to all of you; straight, gay, bi. Put the phone down and experience life. Get off of your apps and see the world for what it truly is; a wonderful place full of people worth getting to know and share experiences with. Be truthful and always stand for what you believe in.
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