THOUGHTS

I'm down to my final week.  One last week before I roll out of Oklahoma City and head to San Antonio Texas for the next 3 months to become and IDMT for the Air Force.  I recently found out about this special duty down at Hurlburt Field and decided to go for it.  I know it wasn't in the cards; I wanted to get out in 27 months and go to Nursing school but everything happens for a reason.  I applied but its not guaranteed that I get it.  The only crazy thing is that its 4 year minimum tour there and ill most likely be gone most of the time but to be honest I wont mind. 

 So many decisions in the next few months and I don't even know what to do with them.  Its funny when were are stagnant we wish he had more options and choices but when the moment arises and you have so many you wish you had none and were stagnant again....  That's my life right now... Don't get me wrong.  I'm mentally stable. But I guess its that time in my life where the partying dies down and people start to actually be adults and do something worth wild.  That something worth wild... I'm still waiting to show its face and give me that opportunity.  Only time will really tell what happens. 

I'm kinda like a gypsy.  I love to travel and always be on the go.  The moment I slow down or stay in all day; in my mind, I've lost a day that I can't get back.  Life is too short to just be lazy all the time.   You have to move and keep going because one day I feel I will get old and wont be able to move as fast or travel as far.  So I might as well do that now right?  And if my math is correct, by time this tour is up, ill be able to get out and officially go back to nursing school but if I don't... well then I'm still out in August 2019. 

I've also had this odd feeling lately that I'm getting old and my time is running out to have kids.  You're probably like wtf?!.  Yes.  I'm 25, gay and want kids.  That is the dream.  So many people at my job right now are having kids and so are a lot of friends back home and I feel like its a piece of me that's missing.  That bond me and someone should share and later have a kid.  I know I have "plenty of time" but I don't want to be those parents that look like grandparents.  But then again I need to get my life together so I can support my kids if I ever have any.  Id rather have everything set up than be unprepared and go crazy.  3 kids is my limit.  After that I might as well get a school bus to haul everyone around.   You're probably wondering why is this on my mind... well the fact that everyone around me is having a kid and they all seem so happy.  I'm here alone.... and ready to share that excitement, but I need to get my shit together.  Its a tug-of-war right now in my mind. 

Another issue is just finding the right guy to settle with.. Someone who loves the outdoors as much as I do and to go on random ass trips for a few days.  Some of you reading this are probably like that's me... but there also need to be a connection.  There needs to be communication.  There needs to be a sort of bond that has to happen.  I can ride in a car with someone for hours but if we don't talk or find common ground or talk about something interesting then I might as well drop your ass off at the next bus stop or something. There are so many times in my life that I've talked to guys and we have so much in common on a phone screen but can't connect in person.  I think that is the greatest disappointment of this generation; getting too hype on a phone conversation but those feelings crash harshly after the first meeting when you get coffee or lunch or dinner or something.  And then you feel bad... 

Nowadays I just have moderate to low expectations for people that I go to meet just so I'm not disappointed if things go sour. I'll just keep moving on.  That way when I do find someone who's worth it; they exceed my expectations and I'm happier with the outcome.  My ideology is if you expect the worst and comeback happier than you went in... then you had a great day.  For example if I expect Monday to be awful but I get a lot done and leave on time then it was a great day.  Its actually helped me a lot but some of you reading this probably see otherwise and feel differently but that's ok.  We are all different and have different points of view. 

In my opinion the best way to meet new people is to go out and socialize.  But Ive also found is that a lot of my friends that I have now are mutual friends on facebook with someone else and we comment on something similar and just start talking, texted, phone calls and so on.  It's crazy how much social media has connected us all.  Especially other members in the military that are gay.  When I first joined I didn't know anyone and I literally felt isolated.  Now I know a good number of people that I keep in contact daily if not weekly and it's nice having that connection.  But social media has also damaged in a number of ways as well..  I guess for every pro... there is a con. 

Call me crazy but these are just a few things running on my mind lately.  To be continued...